No idea

Has anyone ever told you that you wouldn’t be so anxious if maybe you didn’t think so much? Yeah. I get told that all the time

Truth be told.

I don’t know how to not think.

Every second of every day. I am thinking.

Even when I try not to think… there are thoughts in my head.

Should I have said that?

Am I wrong?

Did I do something?

I really shouldn’t have done that!

I shouldn’t have bought that pair of shoes, that was a waste of money. I’m sure my old ones would’ve lasted a little longer.

Then there are my dreams.

They are extremely vivid and I usually remember them when I wake up. Which is even worse because then I spend the whole morning trying to decipher what it meant.

Thinking is rough.

Learn to control

I know that there are a lot of people who feel that anxiety is something that you just get over. Something that can be thought away, prayed away.

Maybe if we just stop thinking like that, then we wouldn’t be so anxious.

Anxiety isn’t something that just goes away.

However, anxiety is something that we have to learn to control.

Every day we wake up and fight the same demons that kept us up most of the night.

If we keep fighting then maybe one day we will learn to control our anxiety.

So here is to you. The one who is anxious. The one who is sad. The one who is taking every ounce of energy they have just to face the day.

although your anxiety will never truly go away. I know you can learn to control it. I know you will beat your demons. You are strong. You are a warrior.

You are a champ;on. your story doesn’t end with your anxiety, its just a pause in your journey. Keep your head up and know that I am here if you need anyone

Drown out my thoughts

 

My mom always got onto us for having our music up too loud. She would complain because it gave her a headache. She has never been a hard rock fan.

However, as my anxiety has grown worse, I have found that sometimes having loud music helps drown out all those thoughts.

If I am having an anxious filled day and feel like I need to go for a drive, I put on any cd that I feel in the mood for, crank it up and sing along. Not caring who sees me.

That is except if I am at a stop light…then I am not singing at all. Too embarassing.

I usually do just a big circle around takes maybe 5 songs then I come home feeling a little bit more relieved.

I also turn up loud music when I am anxiously cleaning. That type of cleaning where you take everything out and organize it.

I do find that organizing helps me cope with anxiety most of the time. Does that make me look like I am a little OCD… well maybe. Do I care? Why should I? I mean whatever helps right?

Right now, my CD on repeat is BlackBear. If you haven’t heard Do Re Mi, Old You, 4U, 90210, IDFC and a lot of others. I would deff recommend that you listen to it. I heard him at the FOB concert and fell in love.

Do you have any methods to cope?

Some days

For some reason, any people think that anyone who has a mental illness is either faking or constantly depressed and incapable of doing anything.

However, what many people don’t realize is that we have our good days and we have our bad days just like anyone else. The only difference is that while someone without a mental illness might have a bad day that is like a 5, ours feels like a negative 10. We feel our emotions to the extremes. We’re either extremely happy, like overly joyed or we are extremely down, on the ground.

Somedays, I feel like I can literally do anything and everything. I conquer the world. I wake up on time. I get motivated and I accomplish so much.

Then there are days where I feel like I cannot do anything. Like everything is a struggle. The idea of going to the store at peak hours where it is completely crowded gives me great anxiety. I don’t wake up on time or even if I did, I feel like I am still so tired and sluggish. I have a hard time getting up and motivated.

Luckily, my days seem to balance out and I am working very hard to have my good days outweigh my bad days.

Does anyone else feel the same way?

More than you can handle

One of my biggest fears is that even when I try my hardest, I will still not be good enough.

I know that no one is perfect. I will never be perfect.

But for some reason, I feel like I will never be good enough.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough wife, daughter, sister, friend.

I fear that I will always be providing something subpar.

For instance. I have been trying for almost 2 years now to lose weight. Since I gave birth to my 2nd daughter, I have only lost maybe 30 lbs. I still have 60 to go and I don’t see it going anywhere. My weight has been yo yo-ing no matter how much I try to work out. How many steps I take, how healthy I eat. How many calories I cut. How many squats I do. I just cannot seem to get it to go back to my old weight. It gets depressing.

Although, my husband has reassured me over and over that he doesn’t care about how I look. I fear that my weight will never be where I want it and that it will interefere with my relationship.

Do you guys have insecurities? Do you ever feel not good enough? Comment below how you try to combat these feelings. Maybe your words will inspire someone else.

Lets #BreakTheStigma

Don’t speak

I am notorious for hiding what I really want to say. I usually just use sarcasm or jokes to make things better. But end up making things even more bad.

There have been many times in my life where I want to say something but I don’t. Why? Well because I know that it will hurt someones feelings or cause a commotion. When I was a teen, I had the typical disagreements with my mother. But usually, what I really wanted to say, I left inside my brain to eat me away to the point that I wrote her a note saying I was going to run away to live with my brother. I laid that note on her bed. But before she got home. I tore that note up. Changed my mind. And kept on trucking. Hoping things would get better. They did. She’s my best friend now.

I am like my mother in a lot of sense. I know that my mothers feelings get hurt a lot. Which is why I have either held everything inside or tried to protect her. That’s my problem. I try to protect or defend almost everyone. Even when they’ve hurt me in the past. I have been told that I have a mothering sense. But then there are times that I feel like I am a complete awful mother to my own children. My oldest in particular hears me but doesn’t listen. So I end up repeating myself over and over. I hate repeating myself. I really do. I don’t like to talk just to hear myself talk. When I want her to do something I don’t want her to wait til I have said it 5 times before she actually does something. So I fuss. And then I hurt her feelings. Which makes me feel like crap.

Maybe I am overly empathetic. Maybe I feel like crap because I hurt her feelings. I usually feel really bad whenever I hurt anyones feelings and have a very long conversation with myself describing why I should not apologize.

like when I feel that I have been used. Which I have. I am that type of person who will pretty much do anything for anyone. Especially the ones I care about. And I have come to learn that there are those people who only want to talk to me when they want something. I usually just bite my tongue. Let my emotions stay inside until they eat me up and I just explode.

Can anyone relate?

Tuna noodle casserole

I used to spend a lot of time at my brothers. He didn’t cook a lot mainly because he liked spicy things and his family didn’t. So when he had to cook, his go to meal was tuna helper. But like most helper box meals, they are filled with preservatives and theres something about making it from scratch that i like.

What you will need:

3 cans of tuna

Egg noodles

Frozen peas

2 cans cream of chicken soup

Cheese

Seasoning

Cook egg noodles according to package.

Once done, drain.

Mix all ingredients other than cheese together. Top with cheese and bake until done.

Yummy

Some things hurt

I know that a lot of anxiety is over thinking.

But one of the worst parts of anxiety is how the things that hurt the worst seem to play in my head over and over.

It’s like your favorite song. You put it on replay and dance around singing along. Except its the hurtful things.

They play in my head like a bad movie.

Did I do something wrong?

There are a dozen questions that play along with this bad movie and more pop up each time that the movie replays.

Does anyone else feel this way?

 

 

Please don’t answer

I might be in my 20’s but I still hate making phone calls.

My brother laughs at me for using my customer service voice. See I use to work in a call center and we all have that voice that we put on to make ourselves seem like we’re happy and helpful. We have to keep that voice even when the customers are being rude.

I had a foreign customer one time who said a lot of rude nasty things like he wanted me to do something to him and he was just completely rude. After advising that I would hang up if he did not stop he got progressively worse. I finally hung up, went and cried.

But having to make a phone call I sit there in my head and say ‘please don’t answer, please don’t answer’

Calling people gives me great anxiety. I am not even sure why. It really just does. If I can get away with it, I have someone else make the phone call. See a for rent sign, ask my husband to call. I got away with my mom calling for doctor appointments until I had my first kid. Unfortunately, now I have to make all of the phone calls myself.

So when I do make a phone call, I try to be alone. For some reason, being in a room alone while I am on the phone gives me a little bit more confidence. Don’t ask me why. It just does. For some reason, being in a room with other people when I have to make an important phone call makes me feel like I am being judged by those around me.

Do you feel the same way?

Not good enough

One of my biggest fears is that even when I try my hardest, I will still not be good enough.

I know that no one is perfect. I will never be perfect.

But for some reason, I feel like I will never be good enough.

Not a good enough mother.

Not a good enough wife, daughter, sister, friend.

I fear that I will always be providing something subpar.

For instance. I have been trying for almost 2 years now to lose weight. Since I gave birth to my 2nd daughter, I have only lost maybe 30 lbs. I still have 60 to go and I don’t see it going anywhere. My weight has been yo yo-ing no matter how much I try to work out. How many steps I take, how healthy I eat. How many calories I cut. How many squats I do. I just cannot seem to get it to go back to my old weight. It gets depressing.

Although, my husband has reassured me over and over that he doesn’t care about how I look. I fear that my weight will never be where I want it and that it will interefere with my relationship.

Do you guys have insecurities? Do you ever feel not good enough? Comment below how you try to combat these feelings. Maybe your words will inspire someone else.

Lets #BreakTheStigma